"Can't" Can Only Hurt

Let’s think about a child jumping on the couch. What is the first think that you say to them? No you can’t do that. Then as soon as you turn your back, what are they going to do? Start doing it again. We see this with kids all the time so why would we think adults are going to be any different.

Just as a child who doesn’t think about whether something is safe or not, when adults are told we can’t do something we get a drive deep inside to do just that. Having somebody telling you that you don’t have the ability to do something that is important to you, puts a drive in your heart that is hard for somebody to imagine unless you have been there. Not only is the internal drive to show others that you can do it, it’s also to show yourself that you can do it. When you are working on doing what somebody said you can’t do, the drive for proving them wrong is what pushes you towards completing the task. Whether it is safe or not isn’t something that you really think about. The drive to complete the task overwhelms and pushes away the common-sense area of your brain that you normally use to decide if something is a good idea. All that is going through your head is proving them wrong and accomplishing what you have set your mind to.

Being told you can’t do something, is very hard to hear. I hadn’t spent much time thinking about how telling someone that they can’t do something, whether they have before or not, could make a person feel. I’ve been surrounded by people with different disabilities from a young age and always try to put the positive spin on things, especially when it is something that they struggle with. I was taught that is what you are supposed to do. I didn’t necessarily know why then but now I do- because telling somebody that they can’t do something can make them feel inadequate and like less than they already feel. It can also automatically put a negative stereotype into their head about themselves, even if it wasn’t meant that way.

So maybe the word can’t shouldn’t be a word that we use in our everyday life. As a future OT, this is something that I am going to do my best to avoid doing. I don’t want to make somebody feel like they shouldn’t try or like they are not worthy. Nobody should feel like somebody doesn’t have faith in them. Every person can do anything that they put their mind to. It may not be the same way as other people or the way that they used to do it, it may not be the most conventional way or even the most user friendly way but as long as the person is able to accomplish their goal then that is all that matters.

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're always 100% right."

~Greg Hickman